How Soon Is Now?
by TumbleDragon
Summary: 2D and Noodle were always close. Now, even more so. Were things destined to change between them? And what secrets does their new home harbor? In between Phase 3 and 4. Rated M for language, drugs, etc.
1. Chapter 1 Fascination Street

**Title:**

 _How Soon Is Now?_

 **Summary:** 2D and Noodle were always close. Now, even more so. Were things destined to change between them? And what secrets does their new home harbor? In between Phase 3 and 4. Rated M for language, drugs, etc.

 **Chapter 1: Fascination Street**

Rain dripped and splattered against the windows of 2D's bedroom. It was a typical rainy day in the London suburb. The blue-haired singer was laying on his bed and studying his ceiling. He closed his eyes and reflected on his new home. After jumping around from Kong to the Plastic Beach and to their townhome that they were evicted from, they finally settled on a new studio and home. This one was not quite as big as Kong, but still offered each bandmate their own spacious bedrooms as well as a studio workspace, a living room area, and even a garden and outdoor ball court. From what 2D overheard during the meeting with the real estate agent, it was a shared office space that was vacated during the last economic collapse. Their current living area and game room used to be the lobby and board room of a public relations firm. Their new huge, industrial kitchen originally belonged to a meal-kit service. The cars were now parked in the employee garage. The employee locker room, gym, and showers were now theirs. The recording studio was originally a company that rented out studio time by the hour. There was also the basement that intrigued them. But only the boiler room and utility room was accessible. The other half of the basement resided behind two locked double doors. The real estate agent assured them that the key was never found, but it was most likely just another storage room.

The space took a few weeks to decorate and to make it feel like home. It was a little too sanitized and "corporate" for their tastes, but Russel assured the group that it would not take much time before they would feel comfortable there. Murdoc joked with the drummer that if they had not found this spot, then with their luck, their next home would probably be a haunted house.

2D liked to keep things simple. Just a few photos of his family back home and some posters of his favorite idols like David Bowie and Jim Morrison. Regardless of how simple he liked to keep his layout, pill bottles and various articles of clothing eventually littered his shelves and floor. Simple layouts for rooms helped him to remember where everything was. Ever since his first head injury as a child, a doctor recommended that he stick to routines and simple layouts as much as possible to aid his memory and to reduce stress. As his life with the Gorillaz became more hectic, strict routines were no longer possible to maintain. With every subsequent head injury, he obtained more painkiller prescriptions. The meds helped with the stress, so he did not have that problem anymore. In fact, he zoned out more than ever because of them.

Murdoc originally wanted to just sleep in his Winnebago that was parked in the garage. But after watching Breaking Bad, he started to complain about how "RVs are played out!" He now stayed in a room five doors down from 2D. The few times that 2D caught a glimpse of the bassist's room through a cracked door, its walls were painted pitch black and with red star decals. And there were candles. Lots of candles. The bandmates had asked Murdoc if he figured out what his room was originally used for. His responses were cryptic and vague, so the others gave up on ever knowing.

Russel was never too picky about his living arrangements. From what the band could determine, his room was a former therapist's office complete with built-in bookshelves and a wooden desk that had been left behind. Russel wasted no time in moving his current taxidermy project to the desk and in moving his favorite Buddy Rich and The Roots vinyls to the bookshelf. His room was only three doors down from 2D's and only two rooms away from Noodle's.

Noodle's room was similar to 2D's in that the band could not figure out what it was used for. 2D noticed the room first when he was scoping out a space for his own and he advised her to take it instead due to it being slightly larger and due to it having its own private shower within its bathroom. Within the first week, the 19-year-old guitarist had painted her walls a light purple and had mounted her guitars and posters of Jimi Hendrix and bands such as Smashing Pumpkins and Bikini Kill.

2D sighed on his bed as he reminisced on her room's decor. She definitely had excellent taste in music. And in scented candles. He could almost smell the lavender and vanilla scents. As soon as he recognized the fragrance, he then felt a presence on his bed and opened his eyes. He did not have to see the intruder to know who it was.

"Noodle?"

"Hey."

He sat up and leaned on his elbows to get a good look at her. She was laying on his bed opposite of him and her head was in the same spot that his was. She was wearing headphones and listening to her MP3 player.

"Tryin' to scare me, huh?" he chuckled.

"Nope. Just wanted to hang out. I've been here for a while, but you were too zoned out to notice me."

2D removed her headphones and put an earpiece against his ear.

"Whatcha listening to?"

"The Cure. Their Disintegration album. I finished most of the best 90s alternative albums last month. I'm making my way through the 80s now. Goth rock and post-punk, mostly. Joy Division and The Smiths are next."

"Who is your new favorite guitarist this month, eh?" 2D asked with a smile.

The young woman shrugged.

"I haven't decided yet. But last month it was James Iha."

The man nodded in understanding. The girl had a peculiar habit of obsessing over certain genres of music—an obsession that seemed to grow in intensity ever since her other Gorillaz figured that it was probably a quirk from childhood and had something to do with how her brain processed instruments in songs, but that the quirk now mutated into an all-consuming coping mechanism for whatever traumas occurred during her time away. They did not know much about the extent of her genetic engineering, just that even as a child, she had the uncanny ability to play any song by ear on guitar. Much to Russel's disappointment, this skill did not translate well to drumming or beatboxing—especially not beatboxing. But after some coaching from Murdoc, she did seem to have some novice skill at playing the bass guitar. 2D returned the headphones to her and slowly sat up to face his glass slider door. He watched his face's reflection in the glass. To his dismay, he could see the beginnings of laugh lines around his mouth. Even his hairline seemed a tad higher than it did last year. It pained him to remember that he was already 31 years old. He certainly did not feel any older.

Noodle crawled over to him from behind. She wrapped her arms around 2D's stomach and lazily rested her head on his.

"What's wrong? You look worried."

The man sighed as he averted his eyes to the carpeted floor.

"I dunno. Once you get to my age, you start thinkin' about things."

"Like what?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"You say that like you're some old man!" huffed Noodle, "You aren't that old yet."

2D noticeably perked up. He looked up over his shoulder to face her.

"Really? You don't think so?"

Noodle shook her head.

"Nah. I mean. You still like to play video games with me. And we trade comic books all of the time. And we like a lot of the same music."

"Well...I think some of that may be because I'm Gen X and we are the generation that just never grew up. And you...well. You have good taste in that stuff, haha."

The bedroom door opened a crack and Russel peaked his head in.

"Hey...Guys?"

While still in their odd embrace, the blue-haired and dark-haired bandmates turned around to see the man calling their attention.

"Um….I'm ordering Indian food. Do you guys want your usual?"

"Yes! Thanks!" chirruped Noodle.

The large man shot 2D a disapproving facial expression. 2D could not figure it out, but hoped that it meant nothing.

"Yup. That'll do. Thanks, mate."

"Right...see you guys when I come back."

2D rubbed his eyes as he felt a familiar pain settle in the back of his head. It always started off fuzzy. Like tv static. He knew that it was only a matter of time before it took over his brain.

"Noodle, luv. I might have to take a nap now. I feel a migraine coming. But I'm out of my meds. Naps are the only other thing that I can do in the meantime."

"I have an idea."

Before he could question her, she was out of his door and racing through the hallway. She came back with her hands in her jean pockets. Noodle immediately closed his door.

"What ya got? Ibuprofen doesn't exactly work on me, ya know."

"Yeah. I know. Open your hands."

2D stretched his palms out, expecting any number of mysterious pills to drop. Instead, she gave him a rolled joint and a lighter.

"Wha—? When did you start smoking spliffs?"

Noodle rolled her eyes and moved the ceramic ashtray from his nightstand closer to her.

"I dunno. I tried it when I was 15?"

He gasped and shook his head.

"But...that was during Demon Days, wasn't it? You were so young…"

The teen groaned and plucked the rolled joint from his hand and put it in her mouth. She lit it and took a deep breath. Then she skillfully blew a small smoke ring. Noodle peeked up from her bangs to see 2D's face frozen in a mixture of horror and amazement.

"Like I said. I've been doing this for a while. Especially once I got back from...you know. It was a nice thing to return to once I came home."

She passed the joint to 2D's outstretched fingers.

"Anyway. When did you start? 16? 17?"

He took in a large breath and choked on the bitter smoke. It truly had been a while.

"Um...well… cough cough...I think I was actually 14…"

"Oh really, Stuart?" snapped Noodle.

"But I was still too young. Who got ya started?"

He passed the stick to her and watched as she took in several puffs with ease. She shrugged as she tried to recount the moment in question.

"I mean...when I first moved in with you guys, you didn't exactly do a good job at hiding it. Friday nights. Album drop parties. I was a little kid, but I could still smell, you know."

"Yeah...we were pretty young then. But we mostly stopped once we realized that it probably wasn't good for you to be around. But who got ya sta—?"

"No one did. I started it myself. Murdoc's friends came over one time. They partied and passed out. So I stole a spliff and tried it myself. Satisfied?"

2D nodded solemnly. He was not exactly angry at her or Murdoc. He was just a little shocked.

"How is your head?" she asked. He could tell that she was clearly trying to change the subject.

"Better. But not gone. That's the problem with spliff. It helps me, for sure. But it takes either a lot of spliff or some strong skunk to completely knock my migraines out. That's why I had to cut back...Yawn...I just couldn't be stoned all day."

2D's mind began to feel hazy. It was a pleasant feeling, but it had been far too long since he was used to it. He laid down on his duvet cover and rolled over to his side.

"Uhhh...My blanket feels amaaaazing. I think that I'm still gonna have to nap."

Noodle crawled over to 2D and waved the cigarette in his face.

"Nope. Finish it with me first."

They laid next to each other and passed the drug back and forth. Noodle had removed her headphone jack from her mp3 player so they could listen to music through its external speaker. 2D's mind was lost in the haze. Is this how music used to feel like? Back when he was a kid and everything still felt wonderful? This must be it.

"I forgot how much I love this album," whispered 2D as his outstretched fingers waited on Noodle to finish. She took a final drag before crushing the small roach into the ashtray on the nightstand.

"Sorry. That's all of it."

"Oh. That's okay, luv."

2D pinched the furrow of his brow as he felt the residual migraine. It had been dulled, but he still needed to rest. He yawned, rolled onto his side, and protectively draped one arm over his dear friend.

"Sleep well, D." she whispered to him.

* * *

Author's Note: I don't normally ship these two. I actually low-key hate this pairing 90% of the time. But I had an idea and it wouldn't go away. We all know how that goes, don't we?


	2. Chapter 2 She's Lost Control

**Chapter 2: She's Lost Control**

Brrrzztt _ **!**_ Brrrzztt _ **!**_

The blue-haired man rubbed his eyes after awaking to the phantom buzzing. From his squinted slits, he could see that the natural light in the room was now the black-blue of dusk. How long had he been asleep? His body was far too warm and he realized that it was because he was now under the covers. 2D shifted his body, yawned, and stretched his arms out. To his surprise, he was embracing another sleeping form next to him.

"Oh..." he whispered.

To his astonishment, 2D was not just embracing Noodle, but spooning her. He swiftly disentangled himself from her and moved to the other end of the bed.

Noodle mumbled something in her sleep and pulled the blanket up to cover her where his arm had left her. He rolled back over to his side of the bed and stared at the ceiling. His pulse raced as he imagined what Russel and Murdoc would think of the situation. The truth was that Noodle had always been very affectionate with him. Since he was the second youngest and most friendly of the band, it made sense to him that 8-year-old Noodle would latch onto him. Russel was fair and kind in his day-to-day interactions with her, but he just did not share as many of the same interests with her as the young singer did. Murdoc respected her as a fellow musician and did not subject her to the verbal and physical abuse that he was infamous for. Other than that, there was not much bonding between her and the bassist at all.

But the young girl's relationship with 2D was different. She was happiest when he was around to play with her or talk to her—even when she was still learning English and he was not quite sure of everything she was saying. He certainly did not mind indulging her questions, her requests, and her hugs. Even his exes all thought that their friendship was adorable. However, everything changed once Noodle aged. He remembered the time that he came home from a night of drinking and passed out on the living room sofa. At some point in the night, 13-year-old Noodle shrouded them in a blanket and cuddled up next to him. They both awoke the next morning in each other's arms and to Murdoc and Russel casting disapproving glares at a confused 2D. In one of the most awkward conversations of the young man's life, Russel and Murdoc tried to explain to Noodle that she was getting too old to be taking naps with him. 2D knew that they meant well, but he resented them for embarrassing the girl and for automatically framing such an innocent event in an ugly way.

The talk had a noticeable effect on young Noodle in that she began to keep her distance from him. Any time they were alone together, she blushed and could not look him in the eye. He tried to tell her that hugs were fine and that the other two just overreacted. But alas she still kept her distance—at least until she returned from her several years of Hell and a coma. Ever since her return, Noodle clung to 2D even more than when she was a child. She had to always be near him and touching him. In the first few weeks of her return, he could not have any time to himself without her abruptly hugging him and bursting into tears. He figured that it was probably to be expected from surviving not one, but two traumatic events. She was an exceptionally strong girl, but even she had her limits. Noodle explained that she missed him and thought that she would never see him or the other Gorillaz ever again. Her reunion with Russel was also met with hugs and tears, but that phase only lasted for a few days. As for Murdoc, she refused to talk to him or acknowledge him for over a month. Afterwards they resumed their professional relationship, but not without some tension due to what he had done.

Finally something clicked in his head. Is that why Russel gave him that glare earlier? 2D glanced back over at Noodle's unbothered form. He watched as her lithe body rose and fell with each steady breath. She unconsciously clutched the blanket and pulled it up closer. In that moment, a curious thought came to him. Why should he have to care what they think? Did it not feel nice to hold her? What harm would come from doing it for a little while longer?

"Ugh, no!" he spat out in disgust, "What's wrong with me?"

Brrrzztt! Brrrzztt!

2D jumped in his spot from being startled. He carefully reached over Noodle to retrieve his phone from the nightstand and brought it to his side of the bed. She muttered something somewhat unintelligible, but he could have sworn that he heard his name somewhere in there. He chose to ignore it and swiped at the notifications on his screen.

Groupchat:

Russ: Yo I'm back. Come get your food.

Muds: ...

Russ: What does THAT mean?

Muds: ….

Russ: Whatever. 2D? Noodle? Hello?

2D walked over to his bathroom and flipped the light switch that turned on the lamps by his nightstand and dresser. Noodle tossed and turned before slowly rising.

"Oh hey. What's up?"

The blue-haired man's gaze followed all over the room except in Noodle's direction.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"Well...Russel is back. " his eyes finally settled on the floor. "And we both smell like weed. I'm gonna change clothes and clean up. You probably should too. I'll meet you all downstairs."

"How's your head?"

"Fine. Just go." 2D curtly called out from the inside of his bathroom.

Noodle grabbed her mp3 player and lighter on her way out of the door. She sensed that something was bothering him, but she knew better than to press him.

-:-:-:-:-

The cavernous kitchen was pitch black except for a single overhanging light over the dining table. Russel and Murdoc exchanged banter while dining on their takeout.

"Listen man, I get it. It's your religion," started Russel delicately , "But please. No demons! No portals to Hell. Just...nothin'. We got a nice deal on this place, but it's still too much damn money for you to trash it with zombies and demons and shit!"

Murdoc slammed his can of beer on the table and released an obnoxious belch.

"For the last FUCKIN' time! Those zombies had nothing to do with me. The rituals helped us! How else do you think Demon Days did so well?! All I'm saying is...maybe it would help us for this next album? Whenever that may be."

At that moment 2D entered the kitchen. He was now wearing a fresh, long-sleeved sweater and rubbing at his damp hair with a towel.

"Hello. What's that about zombies?" he asked as he opened the remaining bag of tandoori chicken and naan.

"Don't worry about it, Faceache." barked Murdoc.

2D ignored his insult and took the bag with him away from the table.

"Not so fast," snapped the Satanist, "Why don't you enjoy a nice Sunday night dinner with us? Just us blokes. Noodle already grabbed hers."

The blue-haired singer turned to face Murdoc to make sure that he heard correctly. A pleasant Sunday dinner with him? Since when? Cautiously, 2D made his way to the table and sat down. Russel detached a beer can from the six-pack and handed it to him. The remaining half hour was a silent one as 2D ate his food and the others did nothing more than drink and smoke. Once he finished eating a healthy amount, Russel broke the silence.

"Look D, we need to talk."

2D put his fork down and eyed both men.

"Uh...yeah?" he asked in between chewing.

"It's about Noodle." added Murdoc.

The blue-haired man almost choked. His heart dropped. Is this really happening? How did they know? What did they know? The weed? The spooning? Shit. 2D grabbed his beer and gulped down as much as he could to wash down the food. But he also had a feeling that he could use as much of a buzz as possible for this discussion.

"She is out of control!" lamented the drummer as he palmed his cheek and shook his head in dismay. "First, it's the drugs. She must think that we are idiots!"

2D stopped drinking.

"Drugs…?"

Murdoc flicked a dead cigarette butt at 2D's arm.

"Yeah, dipshit! You mean that you don't know? She's showed up high to every practice since we've been here!"

He sighed from relief that everyone else knew about her habit. He then tried to think of past band practices and put the pieces together. Why was he always the only one who did not catch these things?

"She thinks that she's good at hiding it," muttered Russel, "Yeah right. Just like she was good at hiding those blotter tabs in her guitar pick pouch. You had to have seen that, D. Right? When she dropped her pouch on the floor?"

"Blotters…? No way. I thought...it was...that she was just smoking weed." 2D stuttered weakly as the realization hit him.

"Aye, so at least you aren't completely stupid." groaned the olive-skinned bassist.

2D concentrated on that day. He remembered...something. He remembered her reaching into her bag to pull out a pick, but then he bumped into her on his way to grab some water. He offered to help her pick them up, but she scrambled and retrieved them before he could. He remembered thinking that that it was odd that she kept postage stamps in the same bag as her picks. But he did not think much of it.

"Oh…w-welll," he stuttered, "I mean...didn't we all have our fun at her age? And it doesn't seem like it's affecting her playing."

Russel's eyes twitched.

"Are you kidding me?" roared the drummer, "Yeah. I smoked some weed sometimes. All of us here did."

"And I've done my fair share of psychedelics…." interjected Murdoc, "for the rituals, more often than not."

"But this is different!" shouted the larger of the three, "None of us ever showed up high to practice! So what if she's still good? I don't want her going down that path. We all know what happens when musicians think that they can still function while loaded."

2D swallowed a lump in his throat as he reevaluated what he said. It is true, he knew far too many examples to count.

Russel let out a deep sigh as he rested his head on his folded arms on the table.

"I know that she's been through a lot. And that she isn't like other people. She didn't have a normal childhood. And she doesn't really have any other friends. Sometimes I wonder...what if we...what if being in the band... didn't help her at all? What if we fucked her up too?"

The singer shrugged. It pained him to think that they hurt her in any way. He wondered what more she was hiding from him.

"I mean…she's 19 now," muttered 2D sheepishly as he played with his fork on his plate, "She doesn't really have to listen to us. Worryin' about her won't help either."

Another cigarette butt hit 2D's face and snapped him out of deep thought.

"Oh! Before we forget," growled Murdoc as he pointed at 2D with a new cigarette, "Problem Number Two."

"Ugh. Yeah." groaned Russel, "You. "

"What? Me?" 2D nervously pointed at himself.

"Yeah," replied Russel, "What the hell is going on between you two?"

"Nothin'!" now the singer was feeling defensive.

"Dude, she has a crush on you!" exclaimed the drummer, "It's clear as day. If you keep being handsy with her, it's only gonna keep leading her on."

2D paused as he absorbed what Russel just told him. Too stunned to speak, he mouthed out the words "crush" and "me".

"Oh great!," groaned Murdoc, "You done blew his mind wide open!"

Russel facepalmed and took three deep breaths before choosing his words very carefully.

"Okay. You didn't know...Yes. It's very clear that she likes you. I don't know if this is something that started from being away from us...I don't really care. It's weird. It ain't healthy. You need to put a stop to it."

"That's right, Faceache. Talk to the bird. Let her down gently."

2D hesitated and thought some more.

"But...if she does have a crush on me...and I reject her. Then won't she just hit the drugs harder?"

Murdoc shrugged.

"Yeah. Probably."

Russel shook his head in disagreement.

"Doesn't matter. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. But for now, you need to shut it down. We can't have bandmates catchin' feelings and shit." Russel glared at Murdoc before lighting a new cigarette. "We made a deal years ago. The 'Paula Cracker Clause', wasn't it, Murdoc?"

The bassist slammed his fists on the table and shot up from his chair.

"You two will never let that go, eh?! I knew it!" Murdoc stormed off into the darkness.

2D clenched his jaw at the mention of Paula. It had been a decade and the memory of the incident still stung. He had tried to convince himself for years that he was over it.

"Please talk to her," pleaded Russel, "She listens to you."

The singer nodded as he grabbed his and Murdoc's plates to take to the sink at the other end of the kitchen.

"I can try," he muttered as he descended into the dark kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3 Shake The Disease

**Chapter 3: Shake The Disease**

It was 6am on an overcast Monday morning, and Russel was clad in sweats and running laps around the ball court. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he huffed and puffed his way along the perimeter. A week prior, he resolved to start exercising more frequently, so he took up jogging in the mornings. Russel had guessed from the markings and size that the area was originally a tennis court.

As he made his way around on the tenth lap, a tall figure in the distance caught his eye. Several yards away, in between the leafy hedges was an old, wiry-looking man staring in his direction. The man wore a wide brim hat and a white trenchcoat. His visage was stone-faced. Russel slowed down to get a better look.

"Hello?" yelled Russel as he waved his hand in a friendly gesture.

The elderly man silently turned his back to Russel and focused his attention on the large topiary tree behind him. He then slowly picked up a pair of hedge shears and began trimming the rhododendron bushes.

"Must be the groundskeeper," Russel muttered to himself as he headed back towards the home. Even after Del left him, he still found himself talking to his friend as if nothing had changed.

"Not too friendly, huh?" he sighed.

-:-:-:-:-

At 8:40am, 2D, Murdoc, and Russel were in the studio and tuning and warming up with their instruments.

"She's twenty minutes late!" groaned Murdoc as he wound the pegs on his bass guitar.

2D looked up from his keyboard to the clock on the studio wall.

"That's not that bad…" mumbled 2D weakly.

Russel rolled his eyes as he tightened his last snare drum head.

"Fine. I'll talk to her tonight." 2D huffed and returned to playing his keys.

The glass door to the studio burst open and Noodle raced to get to her usual position across from Murdoc.

"I am so bloody sorry!" she yelped as she grabbed a pick and readied her hands in position.

2D made an effort to pay close attention to Noodle's behavior during the rehearsal. At times she seemed as responsive as she normally was, except for one instance in which she missed a cue. She then deftly bounced back and continued playing as skillfully as usual. Three hours into the practice, Murdoc abruptly stopped playing the song they were working on. He walked over to Noodle and cocked his head closer to her guitar. 2D eventually stopped playing and singing to figure out what the commotion was. Russel already knew what the issue was and was just relieved that it was finally being addressed. Noodle continued playing for thirty seconds after everyone had finished, but then stopped when she finally noticed that Murdoc was only a hair away from her.

"You uh...you alright?" he asked flatly.

"Um...uh-huh." nodded Noodle slowly. She made a conscious effort to avoid eye contact.

"Really, now? Because you've been horribly out of tune this whole time." Murdoc's tone was matter-of-fact and composed—which disturbed Noodle far more than his usual malicious one.

"Oh! My mistake." she squeaked as she began rapidly tuning her pegs.

Without looking back, Murdoc made his way to the door.

"Whatever. It's about time for a break anyway. See you in two hours."

Russel wasted no time in leaving the studio shortly after Murdoc. Noodle was too engrossed in her tuning and strumming to notice that the two left in a huff.

-:-:-:-:-

Murdoc and Russel drove to the village square for lunch. 2D used the free time to make calls from atop his room's balcony.

"Yes, is there any way that the appointment could be bumped up sooner?...I see... thank you anyways."

After ending the call, 2D sighed and lit a cigarette. Refilling his prescription was going to take him longer than he planned. He briefly considered asking Murdoc if he could supply him, but quickly decided against it. It angered 2D to reflect on it, but there was a span of time in which Murdoc used the singer's painkiller dependency to control him. 2D's life became much less stressful once he started obtaining them the legal way. Shortly after that thought, a new call came in.

"Hello, Mum. Yes, now is fine. Oh, that's nice…" the frontman patiently waited for his mother to finish filling him in on family news. Which cousin got married, which great-uncle passed away, which neighbor's kid was accepted to university…

His mind trailed off as he noticed that Noodle was now sitting under the ash tree in the courtyard below him. She had long ago changed out of her disheveled clothes from the morning and was now wearing a white Deftones t-shirt with black skinny jeans. She was engrossed in a comic book and listening to music. He knew that he would much rather be chatting with her.

"Uh...what's that, Mum? No...mum, we've talked about this...Yes, we've talked about it already….I—because...I'M NOT SEEING ANYONE NOW!...Ugh, sorry…I'm sorry... just a bit cranky lately. No, it's nothin'...Alright, mum. Bye."

2D silenced the phone and took several long drags. He adored his mother, but ever since his break up with Rachael, she had been hounding him considerably about settling down. Once again, his gaze traveled back to his guitarist in the courtyard. He could not quite make out what she was reading, but he knew that if she was into it, then it would probably interest him as well.

She is just...cool. Effortlessly cool.

Almost as if she could hear his thoughts, Noodle looked around until she realized that he was staring at her. The two locked eyes for what felt like an eternity. 2D eventually snapped out of it and retreated to the kitchen for something to eat.

-:-:-:-:-

Russel and Murdoc were sitting at a table outside of a french-style cafe. Aside from a lone, middle-aged man three tables away from them, they were the only patrons. The town square was virtually empty. The olive-skinned man scoped his surroundings and muttered under his breath.

"What's that?" inquired the American without lifting his eyes from the menu.

"I said," growled the bassist, "That this town is fucking odd!"

Russel sat the menu down and nodded in agreement. As soon as they moved to the town of Graw Wood, he felt uneasy. It did not help that neither Murdoc nor 2D had heard of the small town, despite it not being located exceptionally far from London.

"Oh! Man, I thought it was just me!"

Murdoc pointed to the man at the table in the distance. Every so often, he would stop sipping his soup to turn back around and stare at them.

"See that?" he whispered, "What's that about?!"

"Well...we are celebrities." replied Russel.

"Sure we're famous, but what kind of reaction is that, mate?" snapped Murdoc," And I'm talkin' about everywhere. The grocery store, the shops, the restaurants, the strip club... Everywhere in this town! They don't' even seem happy to see us! They just fucking stare at us like we're aliens...or like a computer loading something. That ain't being starstruck, now is it?"

Russel nodded. He thought back to the groundskeeper's behavior that morning. He told himself not to read too much into it, but something about the incident still bothered him.

"And what's with their eyes?" whispered Murdoc, "Have you noticed that?"

"What about their eyes?"

Murdoc whistled and waved the waitress down.

"Miss, where the hell are our drinks? We ordered how long ago?"

A young blonde woman in an apron slowly approached the table. Murdoc gestured at Russel to get his attention, and then he darted his eyes towards the waitress. The drummer followed his lead and studied her as she approached the table. What struck Russel first was the dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. Russel realized that her black eyeshadow was probably the reason why he did not notice at first. She looked as if she had not slept in a long time.

"Uh…" she hesitated, "Sorry about that. We've...uhh." the woman's voice trailed off as if she forgot what she was about to say. Her slouched posture and lethargic body language visibly annoyed Murdoc even more than her cadence. Russel looked over Murdoc's shoulder to catch a glimpse of the strange man at the table away from them. Sure enough, the man was staring at them, and Russel could make out faint circles around his eyes as well. The more that Russel studied him, the more he realized that the man would return to a trance-like state every time that he turned back around to eat his soup. The satanist waved a hand in the girl's face and she then snapped back to her original train of thought.

"Uhhh...right. I apologize about that. I will be right back with….your order."

Once their waitress was out of earshot, Murdoc pointed in her direction.

"See what I mean? What is that?"

Russel shuddered as the subtle details and realizations began to hit him.

"I'm not even sure if I wanna know. We have enough on our plates right now."


	4. Chapter 4 Never Let Me Down

**Chapter 4: Never Let Me Down**

After returning to the studio from their lunch break, the rest of the rehearsal was relatively uneventful. Later that night, Russel was working on his new weightlifting routine in the gym while Murdoc performed maintenance on the band's car in the garage. In her room, Noodle was sitting on her bed and listening to a vinyl of Joy Division on her record player. She would occasionally write on the notebook or torn out papers sprawled out on her bed. Anytime she listened to music that affected her, she had the strongest compulsion to write. Whether an album made her want to silently reflect, smoke, or sing along to it, she always wrote exactly what thoughts were racing through her head. Often she would write it down in Japanese first to establish the correct tone, and then translate it to English. Other times she would leave it in her native language, unscathed. When listening to music, she often felt like a vessel overflowing with with whatever message the artist wanted her to receive. It was as if the artists were speaking directly to her—and their message possessed her like a demon seeking a vulnerable soul. Sometimes she hated that compulsion. It embarassed her that she was so sensitive. She made sure to keep this sensitivity away from the rest of the band. She concluded that it probably helped her with her own songwriting process because she would often go back to her past writings and try to recreate the same effects. Noodle blushed when she remembered the first time that she shared her writings from _Demon Days_ with the band. Her bandmates were stunned that a girl so young could write such catchy melodies and complex concepts into songs.

" _She's brilliant!" shouted Murdoc triumphantly, "Brilliant and she doesn't even know it!"_

Noodle frowned. She hated that. She just wanted to be Noodle. Not Brilliant Noodle or Precocious Noodle. Just Noodle. Murdoc had suggested that she write all of their albums from then on out, but she always declined whenever the topic came up. She reasoned that it would not have been fair to everyone else. She never wanted that kind of responsibility anyway. Murdoc was disappointed that she turned the down the role, but Russel and 2D supported her decision without further discussion.

 _Knock Knock_

"Hey, it's me," shouted 2D from behind her door, "Can we talk?"

"Sure, come in!" she shouted as she began gathering up her notes into a neat pile.

As soon as the 2D entered her room, Noodle immediately noticed that his usual easy-going demeanor was replaced with a worried expression. Something was clearly bothering him.

"So…," he started, "There is somethin' I've been meanin' to talk to ya about."

Noodle abruptly snapped her fingers and walked over to her dresser to open a wooden jewelry box.

"Oh hold on. I almost forgot," she chirruped. Before he could question her, Noodle stood before him, opened his hands, and dropped a small plastic baggie. Inside was a familiar leafy substance.

"I remember you saying that the normal stuff doesn't really work for you. So I started thinking and I realized that you probably weren't getting the right strain. What we smoked yesterday was more of a 'body high', right? This should be more of a 'head high'. It should work a lot better."

2D frowned. He knew that a migraine could strike at any time.

"Oh...thanks. But...I'm not sure if I can accept this..."

"Why not? I mean, I know that you stopped a while back. But this is just temporary until you get your meds again…"

"Well…" 2D, "It's just that...um. Are you okay to talk right now?"

"Of course. What do you mea—."

"I mean, " he began, "Are you sober right now?"

Noodle's stomach dropped. A deep rouge settled on her face.

"Does everyone know...about this morning?"

"Yes, luv," he nodded solemnly, "They wanted me to talk to you about it."

Noodle bowed her head and focused her attention to the floor. She could not face him. The embarrassment was too much.

"I'm sorry." she said, "I don't know what else to say."

2D scratched his head as he tried to choose the right words.

"I uh...I won't tell you to stop usin'. I don't think that is really my place. But you just can't work while high. It isn't fair to us, ya know?"

Noodle nodded. She wanted to say something, but the lump in her throat was too painful to talk over.

"Ya know we have that festival gig next week, right?" he added, "Can ya handle it? Playin' sober?"

"Yes. Of course," Noodle croaked out.

2D walked over to the girl and lifted her chin up to face him. He was visibly worried.

"Is there somethin' wrong? Some reason you've been doin' this? I won't tell the guys. Honest I won't."

Noodle stared at him as she struggled to say what had been paining her. Instead she kept getting lost in his unique features. His rogueish looks and strange eyes captivated her. There she was again. Lost.

2D frowned. He had an inkling of what it could be.

 _If she does have feelin's for me, then I can't hurt her. I wouldn't even dream of hurtin' her._

He could feel a strange magnetism between them. Just like when they locked eyes earlier that day. He looked around her room as he tried to find something to change the subject. He walked over to her bed and sat down. The stack of notes caught his eye.

"Back to writin' again, eh? Any new songs?"

Noodle immediately rushed to her bed and grabbed the pile.

"Oh...yes..But those aren't it." she shoved the notes under her bed, "I have some songs in mind. But they aren't any good."

"Nonsense! Yours are always great. Who knows? Maybe the next album could feature one or two?"

Noodle shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe."

2D nodded as he eyed the small bag in his hands.

"Just try it," Noodle urged, "No reason to feel guilty about it."

He shrugged and thought it over. Murdoc and Russel would be furious at this point. The main purpose of the talk was to dissuade her from using and to address her feelings towards him. He refused to do the latter, that much was clear at this point. As for the former, he hoped that just asking her to refrain from playing while high would be enough.

"I guess that I am curious…"

Noodle motioned him to sit next to her on her bed while she pulled out her small tin of rolling papers.

"But what about.. them?" asked 2D as he cautiously pointed at the door, "What if they smell it?"

"They never do," she sighed without moving her attention from her task at hand,"Let's try it now. If you don't have a migraine in about thirty-six hours, then you'll know."

"Ya got it down to a science, eh?" he awkwardly chuckled as he made his way over.

"How much do I owe ya?"

She playfully rolled her eyes at him as she continued rolling.

"Thanks...a lot," he muttered, "I still feel kinda weird about this, I guess."

"Why?" she asked as she handed the joint and lighter to him. 2D gingerly lit the rolled cigarette and inhaled.

"Well…" he said in between puffs, "... _Cough_... _hcchh_...Russ and Murdoc wouldn't like it, ya know."

The raven-haired girl sighed as she took a puff.

"Ugh. They're so overprotective. They still treat me like I'm a little kid or something."

"I know, luv," he assured her in between breaths, "They just worry about ya sometimes. Not just 'cause you're in the band, I mean. But I think that...you're just so talented...and ya have so much potential...they want ya to be better than them. That's all. So in a way...ya still are their little girl. Well...Russel sees ya that way, at least. "

"You don't see me that way...do you, 2D-san?" Noodle asked in a concerned tone.

Her use of the honorific surprised him. In recent years, she stopped using them in conversation.

2D thought for a moment. He could already feel his mind slowing down and getting fuzzier. He then shook his head vigorously.

"Course not. I mean...you're like...my best friend. Russel and Murdoc are my friends too. But you're...different."

Satisfied with the answer, Noodle smiled and then walked over to the record player to flip the vinyl to the other side. For the next few hours, the two spent it smoking more joints and talking. There were times when they would forget what they were saying halfway through the conversation, but then burst out laughing anyway. At other times he felt like the music was getting louder and more interesting, so Noodle would have to snap him out of it and make sure that he was listening to her. Her animated shouting and waving at him was extremely entertaining to him, so it was difficult for 2D to take her seriously at times. At some point in the night, Noodle had the idea that they should drink. Normally 2D would have protested—after years of experimentation, he became increasingly uncomfortable with mixing substances. But his conscience did not seem to work properly that night.

With the more swigs of vodka that they took, the closer that they sat together on her bed. Eventually they were leaning against each other shoulder-to-shoulder. Later, 2D had his arms around her and was resting his head on top of hers. He marveled at how soft and sleek her hair felt against his skin. He felt the girl interlock his fingers into her own. 2D looked down at their hands and then back up at her face. From what he could tell, she was lightly sleeping.

 _This feels nice._

She is perfect. Perfect and wonderful in every way. In that moment, no one would be able to tell him otherwise. 2D continued to study her delicate features until he felt an overwhelming urge. He slowly lowered his head and kissed her on the cheek.

"2D-san!" Noodle squealed and slowly opened her eyes. Her smile triggered an immediate response from him and he began to trace her blushing cheeks and forehead with more kisses.

"I can't..." he whispered in between kisses, "I can't help it. You're too cute."

The young woman moved her head away from his kisses to face him.

"Well in that case...you're cute, too."

In that moment, both Noodle and 2D slowly moved closer to each other. Their eyes fixated on each other. They were so taken by each other that they did not notice that they were slowly closing the distance between them. Noodle felt her pulse quicken as the man before her began to slowly tangle his fingers in her hair. His hot breath beat down against her mouth. She wanted to say something—anything really. But her mind kept turning up blank. Before she could articulate her feelings exactly, 2D made the plunge and brushed his lips against hers. Shocked but elated, Noodle returned the kiss.

The two eventually ended up laying on the bed with him on top of her. Kissing, nipping, sucking—everything that Noodle had been dreaming of. She never told him, but this was what she had been fantasizing of for months on end. After she moved back in with the band and could finally identify these strong feelings, she tried her best to suppress the thoughts into the recesses of her mind. They were strange and sick, she explained to herself. They were fantasies born of her loneliness and need for physical affection. It took her a while, but she eventually realized that even her more innocent displays of affection with him were really just her sublimating her true desires. But as she lay below him and felt his body on top of her, she knew that there was no going back to the disguised displays from before.

Mid-kiss, 2D pulled away from her so he could study the situation. He shook his head as he took everything in: her warm body underneath him, them lying on her bed in such an intimate position, the chemicals slowly leaving his system. Everything became too real at once.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

He sighed and caressed her cheek. He averted his eyes in an attempt to break from her spell.

"I'm sorry, Noodle." he sighed. Tears welled in his eyes as he tried his best to restrain himself.

"But…" her voice hitched as she felt a painful lump fill her throat. She lifted a finger to wipe a lone tear that rolled down his cheek. 2D grabbed her hand and clasped it.

"We can't do this." he cried out, "This was a mistake."

2D crawled off of the bed and walked towards the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he paused. He told himself not to look back. Any glimpse of the damage he created would just haunt him. Against his better judgment, he turned to face Noodle. She was still lying on the bed—frozen in the same position as he left her. Her tear-filled eyes stared at the ceiling. Silent sobs had just begun to erupt from her body.

 _What have I done?_

"Noodle." he whispered.

To his surprise, Noodle slowly turned to face him. Her tear-stained face was now a mixture of confusion and disappointment.

"I...think that I love ya," he said, "And I know that ya love me too. I can feel it. But we have to leave it this way. Okay?"

2D waited for a response that he knew would never come. Noodle only stared at him blankly. The damage had been done. He then opened the door and left her.


	5. Chapter 5 Disintegration

**Chapter 5: Disintegration**

 **Author's Note:**

Thank you everyone for the feedback! I really appreciate the encouragement and responses to this story. I look forward to continuing!

* * *

 _Groupchat_ :

2D: i'm canceling practice today.

Russ: ?

Muds: Rough night?

2D: yeah...

Muds: Rough night for Noodle too?

2D: drop it mate.

Muds: Oh…I see.

Russ: Noodle? Hello. U ok?

2D: just drop it. Enjoy the day off.

2D tossed the phone across his bed and buried his head under the covers. He would have loved to go back to sleep if only his self-loathing did not prevent him. Every bad decision from the night before plagued him. Why did he have to be so goddamn irresponsible? The weed. The drinking. The kiss. But what frustrated him the most was when he told her that he loved her. Everything else was bad in and of itself. But telling her the truth could not have helped her in any way. It was a selfish attempt to soften his own guilt. He was frustrated by the realization that in refusing to confront her feelings for him, he still managed to hurt her. The image of a crying Noodle frozen on her bed had been burned into his brain. What would she do today? Cry herself to sleep over and over? Drink and drug herself into a stupor?

" _What have I done?"_

A part of him wanted to check in on her. But he chose to stay in bed.

 _I'm scum._

After several hours of laying in bed, he heard a rapid knock on his door.

"Open up!" shouted Murdoc from behind his door, "We're going to the pub for lunch."

"Ugh. I dunno...I think I'll just stay in today." 2D groaned.

"You've been cooped up in this place since we moved!" shouted Russel, "Just come on. We want to show you the town."

2D moaned loudly and reluctantly sat up. His stomach rumbled.

"Sure. Why not?" he yelled.

Once 2D got dressed, he opened the door to see an impatient Russel and Murdoc. As 2D locked his door, he peeked down the hallway.

"Is she coming?" 2D cautiously asked.

"No," replied Murdoc, "she said she didn't feel like it."

"Ugh," muttered 2D, "I swear...if the only reason that you're takin' me out is to ask about last night..."

"No, man," said Russel, "We get it. We just want to...show you around. Right, Murdoc?"

"Yup," snapped Murdoc impatiently, "boy, is this town interesting…"

2D shrugged and walked with them down the hallway.

"Fine. Let me go downstairs and shower, first. I'll meet ya in the garage."

The three bandmates drove the sedan into the village square. As Murdoc and Russel discussed their individual plans for the day, 2D gazed out of the window and took in his surroundings in an attempt to distract himself from thinking about Noodle.

The car passed by a cheesy billboard that read: "Graw Wood! A Pleasant Community for Pleasant People". 2D rolled his eyes as the car rolled past and made its turn.

When they had first moved into the town, the first thing that struck 2D was how planned and new everything was. He forgot the exact year that the real estate said it was founded, but it must have been sometime in the last forty years or so. The layout of the houses in residential areas was the same cookie-cutter layout over and over again. Graw Wood did not have any main attractions and the only points of interest were the shops and the defunct office space that the Gorillaz now dwelled in. He wondered how much of Graw Wood's decay was due to the near-Apocalyptic economic collapse years ago, or just due to its own lack of identity. The town was not occupied at maximum capacity. Many of the homes had "For Sale" signs. For every shop or restaurant that was up and running, there were three more that had been closed down for quite some time. Graw Wood was not yet a ghost town, but it was heading in that direction. While driving into the village square, the men noticed three separate car accidents.

"It's broad _daylight_!" shouted Russel in exasperation, "Knowing this town, they were probably zoned out or something…"

Murdoc nodded as he continued to drive.

"So…" started Murdoc as his yellowed eyes locked on 2D through the rearview mirror. "Since you called off practice today, do you know if we will still have one tomorrow?"

2D shrugged without turning away from the window. He was lazily resting his head on his arm.

"I dunno...it depends. I would rather not think about it now...ya know?"

The three eventually ended up at the _White Fang_ _Tavern_ , a modest pub that boasted a large sign in the window that read " _Voted Best Bar and Pub in Graw Wood!"_.

"There is only one other damn bar in town!" laughed Murdoc, "And that's the _strip_ _joint_!"

Once seated at a table and with drink orders on the way, 2D and Russel read over the menu placards while Murdoc eyed the other patrons suspiciously.

"Well," added Russel as he looked over the menu, "If we need another day off, then it's not a big deal. I don't think that we are hurting for the practice. And we still have some time before we have to hit the road. So if two days still isn't enough, then that's fine."

"Uh huh," droned on 2D as he struggled with keeping his attention on the food listings.

"I just don't get why it should take so bloody long!" exclaimed Murdoc, "One day to get over it, sure. But two? Or more? What the hell's wrong with her?"

"Fuck. Off." 2D snapped in a low tone.

Both Murdoc and Russel were visibly taken aback by his sudden anger.

"You're tellin' _me_ to ' _fuck off'_? Fuck _you_ , mate! I'm just sayin'!"

"Shut it, Murdoc!" reprimanded Russel.

" _No_!" shouted Murdoc, "He's been actin' like a moody teenager all day!"

"We agreed not to talk about it." said Russel, "So we're not gonna talk about it."

2D shifted uncomfortably in his seat and proceeded to rub at his watering eyes. As the portly waiter slowly hobbled over to the table to bring them their pints of beer, Russel cleared his throat to get the table's attention.

"Hey, D." Russel whispered, "Take a look at this guy."

"Wha—?"

"Shh. He's comin'."

As the waiter lowered the glasses to the table, Murdoc and Russel glanced knowingly at each other once they noticed the telltale dark circles around the man's eyes. Just like his walking, his arm movements were labored and sluggish. 2D ignored the man and immediately began downing the beer as if there was no tomorrow.

"The house special for the day is...uh...what was I…? Oi...oh right. The special today is steak pie."

Before they could place their order, 2D stopped drinking and clutched his mouth with one hand. He immediately crawled out of the booth and raced to the toilets.

"Uh...two pies for us," muttered Russel, "Just give him water and some bread or something."

In the restroom stall, 2D was kneeling on the floor and retching into the toilet bowl. Did the drinking from last night catch up to him? He knew that he felt out of sorts when he woke up that morning, but this felt different. At that moment, 2D could hear a familiar cackle in the urinals outside of his door. Followed by the sound of urine being eliminated.

"A-HA!" squawked the voice, "I thought that you were looking _bleary-eyed_ lately. Irritable, too."

2D wiped his mouth and flushed. He opened the stall door to see none other than his olive-skinned bassist using the urinal directly in front of his stall.

"What…what do ya mean, Muds?"

Murdoc finished up and chuckled to himself.

"You think that I wouldn't notice _withdrawal_ symptoms staring me in the face? I'm a _doctor_ , remember?"

2D felt as if he had been slapped.

"No...that can't be right."

He retraced the events of his week since he ran out of his pills and realized that it would explain a lot of things. His short temper. The nausea. The lethargy. The eye-watering. Slowly but surely, it all began to add up. 2D nervously began rubbing his arm as he realized the trouble he was in.

"Fine. Yeah, I'm outta pills. I forgot to make an appointment with a new doc before the move. Now I'm screwed for a few weeks. Alright?"

Murdoc groaned and threw his hands in the air.

"Why didn't you say somethin' sooner? I've helped you before, _dumbarse_!"

2D walked over to a sink and began washing his face.

"I don't need that kind of _help_. Just forget it."

Murdoc shook his head and headed towards the restroom door. Before opening it, he cast another suspicious glare at 2D.

"I get it. You're still sore about old shit...But what I _don't_ get is how you're dealing with it. What with the dosage you're used to… Hell, your withdrawals should be a _lot_ worse. And your migraines must be killin' you!"

2D stopped drying his face with a paper towel and considered what he was saying. It was true, he should be in worse shape by now.

 _My migraines are gone. So what if...what if my withdrawals…?_

2D's pulse quickened as he realized the connection. A connection which he prayed that Murdoc would never figure out.

"I uh...I guess that I've been lucky."

Murdoc shook his head disapprovingly.

" 'Luck' isn't good enough. The festival is _next_ _week_!"

"For the last time, I don't need your _help_!" 2D shouted in frustration, "Everythin' always has an angle with you!"

Murdoc rushed to the restroom door.

"Oh, sure! Evil ole Murdoc is never allowed to change! Everyone always has to be accusin' me of shit!"

The door slammed shut on his way out.

2D eventually returned to his spot at the table. He picked at the rolls and butter that had been brought out for him in his absence.

"Hangover, huh?" asked Russel in between sips of his ale.

"Yeah…" said 2D in between mouthfuls "Somethin' like that."

Murdoc snorted in disgust as he gulped down his stout.

-:-:-:-:-

Noodle tossed and turned in her bed. She threw the duvet cover over her head in order to block out the daylight. Her eyes and throat were still raw from her silent sobs. Sleep simply did not happen that night, but now it was the afternoon and she kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Every time that her mind would lull herself into a comfortable haze, her body would betray her with memories of being held and touched by the one person that she could bear being touched by. And then it would hit her—she would never be able to experience these comforts with 2D again. No more kisses. No more embraces. No more cuddling. They could never be physically close ever again. She could never feel emotionally whole again.

 _It's my fault, isn't It?_

She could not help but feel responsible. She knew that she had a crush on him, and she chose to ignore it. She missed the signs of when things went too far. She then felt pangs of anger radiate through her. She did not choose to fall in love with him. And he clearly loved her. But even then...he still had to reject her. She understood why. The other Gorillaz would not be accepting of the relationship. It would most likely break up the band.

Noodle could understand 2D's reasoning so clearly. But why did she still feel so horrible? How long would it take for her to get over it?

She sighed and turned over in her bed to focus her attention on the alarm clock on her nightstand. She had read the text messages from the morning. She was grateful that 2D canceled practice, but now it was obvious that Russel and Murdoc were worried about her. How embarrassing. Noodle sat up in her bed and eyed the jewelry box on her dresser.

 _No. I need a break._

The young woman sighed and began stripping her clothes. She entered her bathroom and turned on the shower faucets. While standing under the stream of hot water, Noodle mentally addressed her grievances with the band. They were all hypocrites, really. They all used _something_ at some point. They were overreacting and it was not fair.

Noodle thought back to when they were recording _Demon Days_ and when she was toying with the notion of leaving. The rockstar life was not what she thought it would be. It was fun at first when she was 10 years old, but she eventually began to wonder if she needed a break. The tours were long and exhausting. The shows were emotionally draining. The fame was often difficult to deal with. And the other Gorillaz were sometimes _too much_. They drank too much, partied too much, fornicated too much. All things that they have now cut back on, but she remembers their more active days quite vividly. Being the only kid in the band, she was obviously never included on these activities. But she did not have any other peers to keep her from feeling lonely.

Once Noodle was finished showering, she toweled off and got dressed. She walked down the hallway and took the elevator to the kitchen. While eating her cereal, she remembered that the other Gorillaz had said that they were going out for lunch. It would probably be a few hours before they returned. Truth be told, she did not want to see their faces at all that day. Noodle had made up her mind. She would go for a walk in the forest behind their building. She could use the distraction. Not to mention that it would give her an excuse to be out by the time they returned. A familiar thought crept into her head. Why not make this walk interesting? After eating, she then made her way back to her room and found herself digging through her jewelry box again.


	6. Chapter 6 Love Will Tear Us Apart

**Chapter 6: Love Will Tear Us Apart**

As they waited for their food to arrive, Russel and Murdoc carried on discussing business in between sips. 2D remained silent as he finished eating the bread.

"The way I see it, it's a bloody waste!" affirmed Murdoc,"Who the hell does just _one_ show and then goes home?"

"We do now," retorted Russel, "Less stress. And besides, it's not that far away and the pay is good. So it's not like we aren't still making money from the gig."

"I just don't see the point." huffed the bassist.

"The ' _point'_ is to ease her back into tours again. Baby steps, Murdoc."

Murdoc shrugged as he glanced away from their table to eye the patrons at the bar across from them. He could have sworn that he felt them staring at him just moments before.

"So, 2D." began Russel, "What do you think about Graw Wood? I never asked you."

2D shrugged as he finished drinking his water.

"I dunno. It's nothin' special, really."

"Yeah, but what about...the people?" Russel clarified in a hushed tone as he darted his eyes around the booth.

"They seem ordinary to me, I guess."

"Yeah, but don't they seem a little... _off_? Out of it, maybe? Take a look at their eyes, man."

2D scratched his head and slouched over the table.

"Well to be fair...I'm kind of out of it right now. So I'm probably not one to judge, ya know? Haha."

Russel rolled his eyes and decided to raise the subject another time. Their waiter arrived at the table with a tray of pies. The large man stumbled over his feet until he caught himself and steadied his platter before the pie closest to Murdoc could fall.

"What's your name again?" Murdoc asked.

"Oh...my apologies. It's Daniel. Two steak pies for the table." announced the waiter as he set the dishes in front of Murdoc and Russel.

"Anything else for you, sir?" he asked 2D. 2D shook his head and continued drinking his water.

After the waiter walked away from the table, Murdoc and Russel began digging into the pastry with a spoon.

"I have to admit," confessed Russel as he gripped his spoon in preparation, "When I first emigrated, It took me a while for savory pies to grow on me."

"Really, Russ?" asked Murdoc incredulously with a full mouth, "You never had _chicken pot pie_ back in the States? Same idea innit? Wha— _ugh_ _ACKHH!_ What the _fuck..._?"

Murdoc had stopped chewing and spit out chunks of pink meat and red liquid onto the table. The meat and sanguine sauce glistened in the afternoon night.

"Is that raw?" shouted 2D while rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

Russel scraped away the crust of his pie to reveal the undercooked filling.

"Well damn...the crust is perfect but the meat doesn't even have a sear. How do you fuck up a pie _that_ badly?

Murdoc turned around in the booth and waved down the server.

"DANIEL! What the hell are you servin' us?!" shouted an enraged Murdoc.

Daniel excused himself from his other table of customers and briskly made his way towards them.

"Something wrong, sir?"

"Yeah," chimed in Russel, "This steak isn't even rare. It's straight up _raw_."

Daniel bent over the table to inspect the pink morsel on the table.

"Hm...my apologies," he replied, "It's the house recipe...the way that we like it."

Russel and Murdoc stared at the waiter with mouths agape.

"Your chef...serves it raw... _on_ _purpose_?!" roared Russel.

Daniel shrugged.

"It's uh...how do you say...a _preference_? It's just how our patrons like it."

Murdoc grabbed his jacket and exited the booth.

"That does it! We're leaving."

"Sir? I could just ask the kitchen to—."

"Not a bloody chance." hissed Murdoc as he stormed out of the tavern, abandoning 2D and Russel.

"Asshole left me with the bill..." mumbled Russel.

-:-:-:-:-

The branches of alder and rowan trees swayed in the cool breeze. To Noodle, the trees were not just swaying, but breathing on their own. If she craned her head upwards at the branches in the sky, then she could make out a faint aura around the suspended leaves. The girl brushed her hand against its serrated bark. She giggled as the rough edges tickled her fingertips. She almost could not believe that she had originally planned to go on her walk without partaking. At first, it was going to be a completely sober walk. Then she conceded to it being a microdosed walk. The next thing she knew, she was slowly traipsing down a trail while feeling the effects of numerous tabs and a handful of mushroom caps.

A flash of crimson caught her eye. Noodle whipped her head to spy a red squirrel perched on a lichen-covered tree trunk. As the creature fidgeted and raced up the tree, its brilliant red fur created motion trails for her to marvel at. Just as quickly as the squirrel appeared in her view, the beast flitted and darted out of sight. Noodle walked over to the tree and studied its branches, hoping to see more of the animal in the treetops. She then scanned the surrounding trees for evidence of more squirrels. It was just so _cute_. So brilliant in hue. Perhaps there was another? Or a whole family of red squirrels?

A part of her knew that she was silly for being so preoccupied with a common rodent. But in that moment her world felt _magical_. Like the worlds in one of those fantasy books she used to read as a child. The fantasy books about plucky young girls that easily made friends with the animals of the enchanted woods.

As Noodle reminisced about her childhood, she absentmindedly strayed farther away from the trail. Sunlight from a clearing leaked through the trees ahead of her. After breaking through the vegetation and entering the clearing, Noodle froze.

Yards ahead of her, an assortment of sun-bleached bones were arranged in a circle. The remains ranged from small, rodent-sized skulls to medium-sized skulls that could have belonged to cats and foxes. Serpentine vertebrae discs and femur fragments completed the ring. Noodle stumbled backward as her wide eyes took everything in.

 _What is this? Who did this? Why does it look so..._ _ritualized_ _?_

As soon as that word planted itself in her mind, she felt transported back to a place that she never had any intentions of returning to. A place where every day felt like a never-ending nightmare. A place where sadists practiced their depraved ways in dark corners. A place that Noodle fought tooth and nail to escape from. She scrambled to her feet and raced towards the direction of the trail. Her heart felt as if it would explode in her chest. After much running, she finally arrived at the back entrance of her new home. Noodle fiddled with her keyring to unlock the door, but her trembling hands kept dropping it. Once she found the right key and jerked it inside of the tumbler, she charged inside of the kitchen and dropped down to her knees to collect her breath. Quick, shallow, breaths erupted from her. She was hyperventilating and she was not sure how long she could suffer. Noodle cradled her head in her hands as she tried to block out the strange scene in the forest that triggered the flashback.

"Noodle, luv?"

Noodle's heart dropped as she realized who else was in the room. She slowly opened her fingers to allow her eyes to peek through the gaps. Sitting at the kitchen table was none other than 2D. His face was twisted into a concerned frown. He was clutching a fizzling glass of what appeared to be an effervescent antacid solution. She slowly rose to her feet and briskly walked past the table.

"Wait!" 2D shouted as she abandoned him, "What's wrong?"

Noodle leaned against a wall while she attempted to catch her breath. She clutched her heaving chest.

"I...I think I'm having a panic attack."

2D backed away and slowly walked towards the hallway.

"Oh...well don't worry, then! I'll get Murdoc. He should know what to do."

Noodle vigorously shook her head and slid down the wall until she was crouching. She locked her gaze onto her boots in an attempt to focus on anything but the memory from the woods or the visions of Hell.

"No! He can't know...and Russ can't know."

2D slowly walked towards her and knelt to her level.

"Are you...high?"

He lightly brushed her bangs across her face so as to get a glimpse of her eyes. Noodle shook her head away from him. Tears rolled down her red cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, "I'm so sorry."

2D wiped a stray tear away from her chin.

"Naw. Don't be sorry," he whispered.

He grasped her wrists and slowly brought her to stand up with him. Her breathing had slowed, but she still felt lightheaded and was unsteady on her feet.

"Let's get outta here before they find ya."

With Noodle's body partially draped over his shoulders, they hobbled outside of the kitchen and down the hallway. 2D's dim mind raced as he struggled to come up with an excuse for in case they were to run into either the drummer or the bassist. Sudden sickness was the only plausible lie, but he knew that it was not convincing in the slightest. One look at her flustered state and evasiveness and their bandmates would know the truth. The two friends walked past the parking garage exit to the lift at the end of the hall. While inside of the lift and waiting for their floor, Noodle broke the silence.

"I saw something," she whispered.

With Noodle still leaning on him and only inches away, 2D's attention had been trained on her for the entire time they were inside the lift. He could not help himself from staring at her locks of ebony hair. He was all too aware that he was close enough to entangle his fingers in it just as he did the night before.

"Wha...saw what?" he asked blankly as he snapped himself out of it.

The doors to the lift opened and to 2D's surprise, Noodle ripped away from him and walked out of the lift without him. 2D charged after her.

"Slow down! Take it easy," he said in a hushed tone while his eyes darted around the hallway. When the two made it through Noodle's door, she begrudgingly turned to face him. Her breathing was now slower, but still not quite stable.

"You have to go."

"Not until I know that you are okay. Something scared you."

Noodle crossed her arms and walked over to her bed to sit on it.

"I saw...bones. Out in the forest."

2D walked around her room to take in her room's decor and tried to piece things together.

"So you got high...walked in the woods...and you saw bones?" he said once he stopped at her clothes dresser.

"In a circle," she added, "Like someone killed a bunch of animals and arranged them. It was so odd."

2D sighed and began rummaging through her jewelry box.

"Hey!" she shouted, "That's mine! What are you—?"

He pulled out a small bag of mushrooms and loose blotter tabs to study them.

"How much of this stuff have you been takin'?"

Noodle groaned in disbelief.

"You think that I imagined it? Great."

"I think that you had a bad trip, luv." 2D cast a worried expression. Noodle could tell that he was internally struggling with his words.

"Whatever you want to say, just come out with it," she commanded.

"Fine then," he said, "You keep doin' this...gettin' high... because of what happened, right? What happened in Hell?"

"Not true!" quipped Noodle, visibly offended, "I do it because I _like_ it."

"But what I'm gettin' at...is that all that bad stuff in the past is still _with_ you. So don't you think that you could get a bad trip from it?

She felt taken aback. She had never considered that possibility.

"But it felt so real...but I guess you are right. I knew that I was taking too much, but I did it anyway."

2D knelt down on the floor so so that he could be eye level to where she was sitting down. Noodle almost gasped when she saw that his face was twisted with stress. His skin also appeared to have a more sickly appearance than usual.

"Noodle, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? About what?"

"Well," he began slowly, "I caused this. It's my fault."

Noodle shook her head to deny it.

"Don't say that! 2D, you had nothing to do with—."

2D placed a finger on her lips to silence her.

"No, don't fuckin' lie to me! Please, just listen. I know you. You were tryin' to forget. About me. About _us_. So you took too much...just so you could forget. And that _scares_ me, alright? It scares me to know that fact. I _love_ you and the worst part about lovin' you is that I should never have _fuckin'_ told you. Or touched you. All I did was make things worse."

Noodle reached in a half-hearted attempt to touch his hand and comfort him. 2D ripped his fingers away and stormed out of her room without any further discussion.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Thank you to everyone that has been following my story so far! I apologize for the brief hiatus. I am in the middle of a big development in my life and unfortunately, this fic has been put on the backburner. I will try to keep as regular of a schedule as possible in the future, but I cannot guarantee it.

It has come to my attention that there is one fic in particular that has influenced my writing so much that I believe it would be wrong to not at least acknowledge it. I read it many months ago and I didn't intend for this story to be so similar. But looking back, I can definitely see the similarities. So to give credit where credit is due, that fic is " _The Line Begins To Blur"_ by lolilee.

Unfortunately, that story was never completed. But if you don't mind reading an incomplete work, then I recommend it. There are some minor typos here and there, but the characterizations are spot on and believable.


	7. Chapter 7 Disorder

**Chapter 7: Disorder**

 _Groupchat:_

 _Muds: 2day is our last day of practice before we pack and hit the road_

 _2D: shit...u sure?_

 _Russ: He's right. The dates check out. And here I thought we had 1 extra day…_

 _Noodle: It's fine. See you downstairs_

 _ _Russ: U sure?__

Muds: ?

To the rest of the Gorillaz' surprise, Noodle was already tuning her guitar as she waited for them to file into the studio. As 2D entered the room, Noodle abruptly switched her attention back to her pouch of picks and ignored his presence.

"Well what do you know?" exclaimed Murdoc as he lowered his bass onto the stand near him and walked towards her, "Our guitarist has graced us with her presence."

"Leave her alone, man." snapped Russel as he reached into his bag for drumsticks.

Ignoring him, Murdoc circled Noodle to face her. He craned his neck to study her eyes. She met his gaze with a resentful glare.

"Sober, eh? Good girl." he chuckled as he mockingly pinched her cheek. Noodle swatted away his hand.

"Are you ready or not?" she huffed impatiently as she positioned her pick and fingers.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" exclaimed Murdoc as he positioned himself across from her and began belting out an opening bassline.

2D made an effort to focus on his keys and on the vocals, but at times his bleary, sickly, eyes shifted over to his guitarist. Murdoc and Russel may as well had been in another room. All he could hear was his vocals and her guitar. Truth be told, the song itself was not meaningful to him in the slightest. He could have been singing utter nonsense words at the time and he would not even notice. His gaze traveled up her slim legs to her petite waist and torso. Then he finally settled on her face. Her flawless face.

The frontman remembered the times that he tried learning the guitar. It was Paula who taught him first. His fumbling fingers and facial contortions made her crack up from time to time. But it was fine—he did not really take it seriously back then and neither did she. It was not until years later when Noodle tried to teach him that he really started improving. Immediately after he would make a mistake, the girl would smile and effortlessly play the tune back to him. She remained stoic whenever he made one of his infamous expressions. He now reasoned that she probably thought that they were cute. Regardless, Noodle would just continue with the lesson without judgment and give him tips on how to improve. That was just how she was. Always graceful and always cool. Effortlessly cool.

An instrumental break in the song allowed him to take a short break. He shook his head and palmed his face as he realized that he was doing it again. He was idealizing her again, wasn't he? Well...this is all he can do, right? Wax poetic about her at band practice? From now on, this will be the only time he can appreciate her. Their sporadic guitar lessons can never happen again. Lazy afternoons spent in each other's rooms? That is now forbidden. 2D thought back to the beginning of practice and how she could not even bring herself to look at him. He immediately thought back to those first few difficult months after her return from Hell. No matter what Murdoc did in order to strike up a rapport with her, she would refuse to acknowledge him. She would prefer to cloister herself in her room than to spend any amount of time with him. To this day, the tension between them remained. They were never particularly close to begin with, but whatever relationship they had before was now tainted. He cringed as he thought back to what Russel said a few days ago.

" _Sometimes I wonder...what if we...what if being in the band... didn't help her at all? What if we fucked her up too?"_

"What if _I_ fucked her up?" he silently mouthed to himself.

He wished that Russel and Murdoc never confronted him about her crush. At least then they would still spend time together and enjoy their closeness without judgment. But what about her feelings? Wouldn't she always want more? How could he be so selfish? What kind of person was he? He was a grown man and he was in love with a damaged 19-year-old girl. A girl that really should have been like a sister. Not his lover or his friend. But a kid sister. How could he be so disgusting?

"Hello? Earth to D!" shouted Russel from behind him.

2D panicked and looked around the room. Murdoc was visibly irritated. Noodle and Russel were merely puzzled.

"Um...sorry everyone. I guess I was just daydreaming."

"That's it. We're playin' it again," groaned Murdoc, "This is our last practice and we're makin' the most of it, dammit."

The rest of the rehearsal went off flawlessly. 2D kept his head straight down on the keys in order to block out his distraction that was in the form of his guitarist. When it was finally time to break for lunch, his neck was stiff from the rigid position.

"Do you guys want to do lunch together? All of us?" asked Russel

"Uh, sure. Why not?" said Murdoc.

"Count me out." snapped Noodle as she briskly exited the studio.

Murdoc shrugged as he watched her leave.

"I...guess not. Eh, I have to make some calls anyway." Murdoc grabbed his phone and cigarettes from the couch and left shortly after her.

Only 2D and Russel were left. 2D stood up and packed his pack of cigarettes into his shirt pocket. Before he could make it to the door, Russel called for him.

"Hey, D. Do you have a few minutes?"

"Uh, sure. What about?"

Russel scratched his head.

"So I can't help but ask. But what's going on?"

"What...What do ya mean?" 2D's voice squeaked from panic.

"Well, I expected Noodle to be a little cold towards you. But the vibe I'm getting...I don't know... It's like she _hates_ you or something. And I hate bringing this up, but the morning after you were supposed to have a talk with her about her crush...and you were _hungover_? Why? Were you drinking that night too? You seemed really defensive about her. And today you're really off. When you weren't staring at the keys, then you were staring at _her_...I can't help but feel like something isn't right with you two."

In the flash of an eye, Russel's expression of concern turned into one of suspicion.

"You see what I'm saying? You have to understand—."

"No, no...I get it." Affirmed 2D with a nod, "I totally get ya."

"You have to understand how this looks." finished Russel. His slitted eyes cut into 2D. The singer could almost taste the venom.

2D's mind raced to come up with an explanation. He should never have underestimated Russel. The man was as perceptive as he was physically strong.

"I don't want to say anything that I will regret," began Russel, "Especially since I _know_ that I must be imagining things. But I swear, if I find out that you hurt her...that anything inappropriate happened…."

2D gulped down a lump in his throat.

"Nothing happened, Russ." pleaded 2D weakly, "You don't have to worry about that!"

Russel sighed.

"Good. Because I _want_ to be wrong."

2D nodded in solemn agreement. Russel wiped the sweat off of his brow.

"I feel like an asshole." He sighed, "I just care about her a lot."

"We all do, Russ." squeaked 2D.

"I know man," assured Russel as he walked past 2D and stopped at the studio door, "Sorry about that. But I had to ask."

Without further deliberation, Russel left him and 2D was now alone in the studio. 2D dragged himself over to the couch and sat down. He then exhaled a deep sigh that he did not even know that he had been holding in. All of a sudden he was not hungry anymore. He was not sure if it was the withdrawals, the nerves, or the suffocating sense of guilt that was to blame.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:**_ _  
Thank you to everyone for being patient. I was in the process of moving and starting at a new job since my last A/N, so I needed a bit of a hiatus. I'm still getting settled in, so it's possible that more hiatuses may be on the horizon._

Thanks again for reading!


End file.
